College Selection Survival Tips

The EPHS PTO often hosts a panel discussion of parents who have recently gone through the process of sending their kids off to college. The following are notes taken at the October 2003 event and printed in the EPCGT NEWS, Dec./Jan. 2003-04. We believe the information presented remains helpful today. The handout from the 2005 panel is available at the PTO website: Parent Tips for College Scene. Since topics will differ from year to year due to the perspectives and experiences of the speakers chosen, we encourage EPHS parents to try to attend.

Emotions and Preserving the Relationship

Senior year is a very stressful time for the students and their parents. Often the students become “Dr. Jekylll/Mr. Hyde,” and procrastination is the name of the game. Figure out a way to affirm your child’s power to make decisions and maintain your sanity! When you are tempted to say things to your child that you know you will regret later, take a walk – take a bath – remove yourself from the situation until you can once again keep your relationship intact.

Realize your child is feeling scared – and maybe more so as graduation gets closer. Many students bring their range of college choices closer to home as the decision time nears.

Students start the “leaving” process. Anything can become an argument. Parents are once again “stupid.”

Take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep for the nights you are asked to proofread at midnight or the surprise hours at the Xerox or fax machine. Start doing the things you will do without your child around! Focus on your other kids – be ready to vacation without your senior and even enjoy it! Be sure the summer before college is busy for everyone! Think about your farewell.

August is a tough time when friends are leaving for colleges in different cities. Hold a party at your house for friends to connect before going.

Preparation for Independent Living

To be successfully independent when they go away to college, students should have developed a number of skills before they go. These skills are from the book, Almost Grown: Launching Your Child From High School to College, by Patricia Pasick:

1. Get up on time, and plan bedtime with the next morning’s schedule in mind.
2. Budget time reasonably well and keep a calendar that notes classes, appointments and deadlines.
3. Manage a checkbook, credit card, simple budget and telephone calling card.
4. Keep track of important papers and belongings.
5. Know when medical attention is necessary and what to do to get it, including filling a prescription.
6. Do laundry.
7. Make simple meals and make healthy food choices.
8. Budget academic responsibilities against an active social life.
9. Ask for help when overwhelmed.
10. Know how to plan ahead.

Consider adding your child to your credit card to simplify on-line applications and to show/test your faith in his/her money management.

VISA BUCKS cards are an intermediate step to “credit” cards. They can only be used up to the limit of the amount of money placed in the account. Money can be added at any time.

Another suggested book: Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years, by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger.

Remember – college mattresses require extra-long twin sheets (and mattress pads)! Purchase these early to avoid disappointment.

Testing

Start the college search process in the beginning of Junior year or earlier.

Prepare for ACT/SAT. Know your student – does this mean taking a class? Reading a test prep book?

Take the SAT/ACT no later than June of the junior year so it can be repeated the following fall if the result is lower than you are counting on.

Know the entrance requirements of the colleges you are interested in. Do they want SAT or ACT results? Do they also want SAT II results – and, if so, which ones?

Take challenging classes – even senior year. If you drop a class you have listed on your college application, the college has the right to deny entrance. Be sure to let them know about your change in plans and get approval from them. A drop in grades is also grounds for the college to not allow admittance.

College Choices

Set up a filing system for all of the college information that comes in the mail. Target has plastic tubs that work well. File info by college within state. Any material that you know you won’t need can be given to the Career Resource Center at the high school for the use of other students.

Use books to research colleges. The Best xxx Colleges by The Princeton Review gives more than facts – also impressions. The Fiske Guide to Colleges by Edward B. Fiske was also recommended. It has a questionnaire to help narrow down what your student wants in a college. Buy a guide – your student will refer to it again and again. When you are done with it, donate it to the Career Resource Center.

The parent’s role is a path clearer. Try to help keep information accessible (see filing system above); offer to fill in factual information on college forms to allow the student time for the essays.

Use the Career Resource Center to find out which college reps are coming to visit, pick up ACT/SAT registration materials, find applicable scholarships, and learn more about colleges.

Keep in mind that transferring later is always an option. The “quality of life” for four years is sometimes overlooked by surface prestige, comfort, etc. The odds of getting accepted are irrelevant. None of us know just what the admissions people at a particular college are looking for at a particular time. The most selective colleges turn away students with perfect SAT’s, perfect grade point averages, and more to recommend them.

Check the college websites for information on scheduling campus visits (do this as early as you can to fit in all of the places you want to see while still getting the high school classes in), pictures of campus, requirements for admission and on-line applications.

Your child has to live with the choice – not you. Be sensitive to what fits them. If you don’t like your child’s choice, voice your reasons. Realize that where they go affects who they will meet and possibly who they will marry and where they will choose to live. Tension will be high between your child and you if he doesn’t really believe the choice is his.

Most students apply to a number of colleges. Make sure your student does not limit applications to schools in the “Highly Selective” or “Most Selective” tiers.

Campus Visits

Visit colleges of different styles to help narrow down good matches. Try to spend at least a day and find students to give you personal input. Try to visit a dorm that is not part of a tour and see a “real” room. Look around for yourselves outside of the regular tour. Check bulletin boards when you do a campus tour to see what kinds of things are posted. There is no substitute for being there in person.

Questions for the school:

• How many classes are on-line?
• How many faculty and Teaching Assistants have English as their second language?
• How accessible are the teachers for help (get a student’s opinion on this, too)?
• Are free tutors available for freshmen?
• Do they facilitate study groups?
• How do they match up roommates? If the roommate doesn’t work out, what is in place for change?
• How safe is the campus? Ask for published “crime rates.” Do they have “blue lights?” night escorts?
• What computer facilities are available and when? What help staff are available and when?
• Does the school have special deals to purchase computers or software through them?
• If your student enters into a general college, how difficult is it to enter into the college of their major when the time comes? What are the statistics?
• What is done to facilitate freshmen orientation to campus and campus life?

Applications

Know the application requirements. Do they require teacher recommendations? If so, from which teachers – teachers from core classes/ teachers from sophomore, junior or senior year/ two or three recommendations? What are the application deadlines? Do they have rolling admissions?

Have your child learn his/her social security number. Offer to help fill out the facts on the applications to give your child time for the essays and other parts.

EPHS offers several dates to help kids with college essays in the English office.

Apply to a number of schools, and include a “back up” school where you are fairly sure you will be accepted. Don’t be afraid to apply to a “Dream” or “reach” school. Apply early action to the “reach” schools so you know if they are no longer a consideration early in the game.

If you need teacher recommendations for a college, ask your teacher/advisor early in your senior year before the big rush in November. Realize that it is a very difficult thing for teachers to do. Follow up with teachers to make sure they submit recommendations in time. Be sure to send a written thank you to anyone who helps, acknowledging his/her time and effort spent on your behalf.

Have a date by which applications will be finished – preferably before Thanksgiving, both because the earlier applications are given more weight and because you don’t want family holidays ruined with stress. Get applications in early whenever you can – you have a better chance of being admitted.

Finances

Don’t rule out private schools on cost or location alone. Many will have scholarship/grant/loan offers that bring the cost down to U of M cost. Fill out the FAFSA as soon as you can after filing taxes. Remember that you and your child and any non-custodial parent need to file by mid-February at the latest. Some schools have surprising requirements like a copy of a divorce decree.

You may be able to get a more generous financial aid offer depending on your circumstances and offers from other colleges. Go back to discuss the offer if it isn’t sufficient.

Many schools offer a third-party provider service for making monthly tuition and housing payments. Think about how you might want to set it up. If you are doing student loans, your child probably needs a bank account in the state of the college.

You might want to look at the cost and ease of transportation to and from the college choices. Is it convenient and affordable for your student to come back for holidays – and more often if that is the plan? You may want to book travel home for the first Thanksgiving the minute you can get a cheap fare to avoid a costly or emotional mess.

Be clear about finances. What will the parents pay for - applications for colleges, SAT/ACT tests, tuition, fees, books, room & board, car payments, car insurance, car repairs, medical visits, prescriptions, spending money, % of any of above – and what will the student pay for?

As soon as your child is accepted at a school, pay the registration fee; then sign the housing contract when it arrives and send it back. (Beware – the housing contract and other items may come addressed to your student. Don’t lose them in the deluge of college mail.) These fees should be refundable if you change your mind by May 1. But if you delay too long, your child may end up with a last choice, or no choice, for housing.

Your child may need a bank account in the city where they attend school.

If your child doesn’t have a computer but is planning to buy one for college, ask the college if they have any special deals on computer purchases. Some do, and many colleges will be able to offer student rates on software packages such as Microsoft Office.

Attending

Get a city phone book to help you with shopping when you go.

Don’t room with a friend. Statistics show that students who room with someone new are much more likely to stay.

Get a dolly for the moving-in process. Depending on where your student goes to college, you may not want to move everything in one trip. Living there for awhile can give a student a better idea of what is needed/desired for the dorm room. Shop in the school city, especially if it is far from home, for bigger items or items you aren’t sure you will need until you get there.

Take notes in the dorm room before you leave your child in case you need to know something about the setup before future purchases.

Encourage your student to make connections early. Get deadlines for Greek system, social clubs and other activities.

If there is a Walgreen’s drugstore in the school’s city, you may be able to pay in-state co-pay at a local Walgreen’s for prescriptions filled there.

The easiest way for your student to get into trouble with college academics is to skip class (sleeping in, finding other things to do). Talk about the importance of being there.

Realize that when your child turns 18, the school will not give out grades to parents and the health facilities (school or private) will not give you health information unless the student signs a waiver.