"The WOES and WOWS of Parenting"

Do you have a dog or cat in your house? Have you ever really paid attention to the characteristics of your pet? Do you have children in your household or family members who you just don’t understand? The “Wows and Woes of Parenting,” presented by Michael Grinder on February 19 at the EPHS PTO meeting, gave those attending some very interesting ideas about who that person is living in your house who vaguely resembles a child you used to know.

We can examine people’s personalities as if they were a dog or a cat. If we want to establish a relationship with a dog we can walk directly up to a dog and it will respond appreciatively. Any amount of eye contact, talking, touching, is lapped up. However, a direct approach with cats sometimes backfires. Why? They are self-selective. Think about it. A dog comes when it is called whereas a cat has call waiting. The cats want to be teased and intrigued.

As difficult as they may be, the cats are the ones prized by corporations and society in general. They are the people in the “real world” who think outside the box and problem-solve creatively and decisively. Ironically, however, in a classroom setting, guess who is valued? The dogs; they’re much easier to handle.

Because we have an increasing number of cat personalities in our population, we need to learn how to indirectly and gradually establish a relationship with them. Educators and parents need to understand how to interact with these children to make sure we produce the individuals best able to adapt and positively affect our ever-changing world.

So who is a cat? An individual fitting any of these criteria:

A = adolescents
K = kinesthetic or special needs
A = at-risk or social loner
T = talented and gifted

If you’re reading this newsletter, you have a cat on your hands.

As parents of teenagers we had several “a-ha!” moments when Mr. Grinder gave us some insights.

• You will never be the beneficiary of your own good parenting. “What do you mean he/she cleared the table at your house? That never happens at home!”
• Always remember, to a dog you are family. To a cat you are staff!
• A dog thinks you are the center of the universe. A cat knows s/he is.
• Direct eye contact with your child will only make him/her less likely to communicate with you. Try talking while driving or not sitting directly across from them when having a conversation. They are much more likely to keep the conversation going. Grinder explained that boys especially are able to carry on a conversation or make eye contact, but not both.
• Our kids know all of our lectures by the time they are five years old. Find a way to communicate without launching into lecture #45. Grinder suggests looking away while gesturing with your palm down. Eye contact combined with a decisive gesture like finger pointing may be overkill and cause the recipient of all your wisdom to check out.
• “We are inadvertently in love with the influence of power, and we need to be in love with the power of influence.”

The 75-minute presentation was not nearly enough time to explore all of the possibilities of this subject. Mr. Grinder spent several days with the EPS staff in our district working with them to better appreciate the cats and dogs that live among us. If there is ever another opportunity to hear him speak, go out of your way to attend. It would be well worth your time to gain some insights into the world of our “cats and dogs!” More information is available at www.michaelgrinder.com